I recently went through a huge break up… oh wait not with my husband.

It appears I had a break up with a friend who I had known for over 30+ years. It may not make sense that I call it a break up but it reminded me of the dating scene my single friends explain as of late.

I have many friends come and go and without naming names, the friend who stopped talking to me after she admitted to my husband that her new boyfriend was a married man, all while I was putting baby to sleep one night. She said it so nonchalantly… and never called or walked back into my home since. I never got to comment, she had no idea how I felt about the whole thing.

We’ve all lost the friend who started dating a new person who everyone hates, only for them to think the dating partner is so fantastic. I don’t fault the person for following their hearts. People do that, it’s normal.

I stopped talking to a school friend who had her own PR firm because when I wanted to launch my own jewelry line she looked at me like I was the biggest loser going and so undeserving, I didn’t even realize she was putting my down until someone asked why I let her speak to me in the manner she did. Not friends now, Jewelry line was a PR dream.

But I digress, I had a break up with one of my closest most confidante friend. I couldn’t tell you why. I mourned our relationship really, really bad. At first the text messages weren’t being returned. Then she didn’t RSVP or come to my kid’s birthday party. Then it was radio silent and I left a message that said something like: WTF? What did I do? Do you not want to be friends, I know your busy we all are busy but this feels more personal… silence. I chalked it up to she is going through something and she doesn’t need me now to help cope. Another month went by… nothing. And then I realized she blocked me from social media and all my bells went off.

Maybe I see social media as this foreign identity, but my Facebook was a place where I kept everyone who was ever connected to me, connected to me. It was like the Rolodex of my life. To delete someone off my Facebook would mean I wanted nothing to ever do with that person, that they caused me or my family some imminent harm.

So to me… this felt really deep and personal. She blocked me and my husband from her Instagram. I was no longer privy to her life. I was cut off. Not only had she ghosted me, she totally deleted me from her life. 30 years of friendship gone because of no clue. There was no fight, no tantrum, no bad words exchanged, our children loved each other, our husbands were friends. We had been there for one and other in ways most friends don’t ever get a chance to share their lives with friends. Just wiped away like garbage.

I knew if I called nothing much would come from my avoided texts or messages. I spent sleepless nights, anxiety filled afternoons talking to other people… asking for advice. How could I fix it. I went into attack mode to find answers, spoke to mutual friends who had no interest in helping heal the divide. Who said “we never mention you”… like somehow that was supposed to heal the pain of being avoided.

And then I called… from a daughter’s phone, I called and she picked up. I said a lot. She said I was too much, too big of a personality. I said is this how our friendship ends, she said I would get an email explaining what she was feeling. 3 months later… nothing. So I mourned for the first 2 months. Many people telling me the letter wasn’t coming; I refused to believe it. I refused to believe what was the greatest friendships the world had seen could just disappear. But it did and I was at a loss.

No longer at a loss, I have to learn that I value friendships very differently than most. I don’t hold much expectation of my friends because I also don’t like expectations put on me. I just expect you to care about me enough to say Hey, to curiously ask how I am doing and when you know, feel happy that I am happy or caring that I am hurting.

Maybe it’s my grandiose personality, maybe my stoic demeanour on expectations that people just be good people to one and other. Maybe she said it when she said my personality is to big, she didn’t want me involved.—- I want to apologize for that, I want to apologize for my personality… but I am not sure I should. I don’t want to apologize for being me. I don’t want to hold on to relationships where I am too much for a person. Where my dreams are too big, my goals too crazy, my reality too colourful…. I like me. I don’t want to change me to keep relationships with people who I no longer like the person I always was. My high school friend I reconnected with said she saw my old spunk from High school come… I liked that girl. She isn’t going anywhere. And not sure which of my many beautiful friends who posted you don’t have to dim your light for others to feel bright.

I guess I just wanted people to know this oversharer has feelings, and maybe it’s in not hiding those feelings that I overshare. But I plan of sharing them with people who don’t think I am too much. I am taking a deep dive look into the people I surround myself and doing a clean sweep of relationships that are not mutually beneficial and being ok with them falling to the waste side. But ladies, do yourself a favour, if you don’t enjoy being ghosted by a guy, don’t ever do it to a girlfriend.

Today, is an especially intricate day for our family; clearly we are a Canadian family… so we celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving in October with the rest of our country men.

When in L.A. we even found a diner 65 minutes away from our home doing Canadian Thanksgiving with Tim Horton’s coffee, Nanaimo bars and maple syrup pie (which makes more sense because they were from Montreal). But for the first time we got to spend an American Thanksgiving in the USA.

Now, I did Black Friday shopping once when a family member was doing college in Buffalo. But Turkey, decor and trimming was new and I was excited. Now it was more—- even more exciting because when my sis and I were old enough we started declaring American Thanksgiving as a celebration we would dedicate to ourselves. We would not go into work or school, stay in front of the TV watching the Macy’s Day Parade and eat something sinful.

My daughter’s got a 4 day weekend and we got to experience it like real Americans. Though we did it alone and far from family it was so wonderful. My mom arrived the week later.

Tomorrow will be the first American Thanksgiving my girls will miss, they will all be at school. I will record the Parade and Dog show to watch with them over the weekend. But it’s feeling a little bittersweet this year. This might be the last time I let my girls miss another Thanksgiving.

I know Thanksgiving is a hot topic as of late, but to our family it has always been more about being Thankful for what the earth, the Universe and God allowed us to experience… and our first official thanksgiving in the US was full of gratitude, grateful to new friends, new neighbours, trees full of fresh produce, views we could only see in magazines and memories we could fill books up for a lifetime.

So today on American Thanksgiving… we just wanted to say Thank you. For the memories we made, the ones we are going to make and love to our friends south of the border who daily feed our souls even from afar.

 

So, you must live under a rock if you didn’t realize there was a midterm election in the US. It was all over social media, Twitter is all abuzz, Instagram is full of different types of “I voted” stickers and best part is I live in Canada. (insert silly, possibly sinister laugh here.)

Why does where I live have anything to do with it all?— well because I have no vested interest perse to what happens in the US election. I cannot vote, I have no say and I have no financial gains in the outcomes.

But does that eliminate my interest. Hell, NO!!! Just the other day my mom who lives on her Greek news station was asking me questions about the election. And here is a little secret… ask my American girlfriend Crystal about it, I am well versed in my American politics enough that on occasions she asks me to explain it. So I am definitely the go-to person in my circle to ask about it. I won’t give you the media version of it either… I have read most of the amendments to the constitution, I have read the Constitution and understand the constitutional rights, I also see it coming from a big city in Canada with parents who come from a technically socialist country. And depends who you ask worst of all I am a product of my history junkie father who has a big soft spot in his heart for the US which he engrained into both my sis and I.

But 2 years ago when Donald Trump became the President of the United States on this day, our lives completely changed, our daughters were attending private school in the Valley of LA. My oldest voting for Jill Stein in her class election and my second daughter voting for other, maybe it was because I kept saying if I could vote for Ron Paul, not Rand Paul—- please whatever you do don’t confuse the 2. But, so man have these American elections changed our lives. My children probably unfortunately know way more about the American political process which is odd, but politics is not heavily taught in Toronto and so my daughters had no understanding of much how the system works here but they are well versed in it a bit more to the south of them that has no affect on them.

I was raised by a Conservative father and a Pierre Trudeau liberal mom… elections were not a subject in our house. My parents didn’t try and convince us of a direction to take. But man do I talk to my own like crazy about it… I talk to them about their rights and laws that affect them. I talk to them about party lines and how this mommy who ran for city council over 8 years ago thinks politics is the dirtiest industry in the world.

So, the presidential election changed our trajectory, which I don’t blame but I understand that it sucks in ways I cannot fix at this point… but we definitely are paying attention!!!