I had a friend in high school who was much younger than me. We became friends for our mutual love and adoration for Catcher in the Rye. Now that my seem silly and mundane, but there are different people in this world, and those of us who love this book to a fault are a unique breed.
We stopped talking when I left high school, I found out he left too… he pursued other learning opportunities and I found him by fluke on Twitter eons later, whilst he moved to DC because he wanted to be in the stratosphere the White House with the first President of colour. We chatted and then he moved back to Toronto. And we talked all the time. He left and became so worldly, and his writing was so lovely, he became the friend you beamed with pride that you had in your inner circle, because he was so smart.
Well, my friend Sameer taught me 1 thing so long ago about the New Year, that resolutions and intentions need a grounded space. They need to come from a word perhaps. And every year I allow myself a word.
This year that word is Worthy. It’s a complex word. From a person who likes to give, I am the world’s best gift giver and yet I suck at receiving gifts… because I struggle with my own self worth. — Crazy but true, how does a loud mouth like me feel anything she is worthy of all the things that come out of her mouth.
But it is true. And this year, I will focus on my worth. I always felt if you felt any sort of worth your EGO was getting in your way. And how can one be humble if they feel they are worth much more than the next person. You’d think this was a hard lesson in religious upbringing but it’s not… my guilt is not Christian guilt… it’s poor Greek girl guilt but that’s for another post.
But owning a business and getting accolades and headlines printed with our name made me feel not worthy. Like no big deal, anyone could do it.
People will say:
“You have smart and kind children.” — in my head, oh stop I am sure all other kids are the same.
“You make gorgeous pieces of jewelry”— in my head, I don’t know. It’s just what I came up with
“Your design aesthetic is awesome”— in my head, ohhh anybody could do it, it’s not that complicated.
Why? Because I don’t accept my worth. But this year I am going to own my worth, I am going to toot my own horn in the most humbling way of course but nonetheless I will toot it. I will learn to be a gracious receiver and say Thank you and not be uncomfortable when passed a compliment. I will push myself to do things I don’t usually do and do it with grace and worthiness.
I am I will believe myself WORTHY because life is short and I believe we are all here for a reason, God, the Universe, Science, brought us here at the exact moment we came with the unique genetic make up that makes us our unique selves for a purpose and what that fruits is worthy of feeling pretty darn proud of.
So maybe my word will give you pause, maybe you too can join the WORD train. Do you have a word, if so share. I hope my word gives you reflection and direction if you don’t. But I’d love to hear your words.