Happy Valentine’s Day my friends.

Let’s talk about LOVE.

This is another hard one for me.

What do I tell you, how to be in a relationship for almost 22 years and married for 14 with 4 kids? How to weed out a bad suitor? How to keep the flame alive? What happens when you hit a love low? How to love your partner when you feel exhausted loving your children? How do I still have sex with the same person after all these years? How do we spice things up? How do I show my children healthy loving relationships between parents?

Truth is all those would make great topics but I would feel terribly disingenuous. Because no matter how contrived or heck, how perfect, I might answer those questions the truth is NONE of those matter.

I spent the majority of my life showing others a ton of love, making sure they felt loved so they could blossom and grow. And while I still do this mostly for a handful of loved ones and beautiful friendships. I have started to learn to love myself…

Women don’t often love themselves. And honestly I don’t think a lot of men love themselves either. But we spend so much time fluffing everyone’s pillow around us assuming the feeling will be reciprocated only to notice your cup has runneth dried.  Why do we as humans not feel like loving ourselves. And I don’t mean self-love like buying yourself a new pair of shoes, laying in a bathtub with a face mask… I am saying self loving.

When was the last time you praised yourself. When was the last time you stopped for a moment and said—-“I did good this week, I really cared for myself. I allowed myself to go further, to try harder, to sweat more. I am proud of myself. Good job you!” Maybe you do.  But do you mean it, do you try to convince yourself that you did good.

There are 2 versions of myself, the one who is a fierce lion and will rip you apart if you hurt someone I love or a concept I find truthful and fair. I like to defend the fair. But then if you talk to me about me I am the meek mouse who while I don’t blush feels a horrible sense of awkwardness. She is Humble Angie. I was raised to be humble Angie, it was important to my mom not to make waves, just to do without bringing much attention to yourself. So when big bad opinionated Angie comes out, most people see her and think wow she must be so confident. Humble Angie will laugh at you.

But then one day you offer yourself for Career day at school…. and your daughter wonders why you are coming, and you aren’t a big deal. Clearly because I don’t tell her I am a big deal, she barely knows what I do because even to my 6 year old daughter I don’t share my wins. She told me about the Librarian, the Janitor who came… and I had painted a picture of myself that was less than.

And then I did the presentation, and my daughters friends in class were in awe. My also meek don’t make waves daughter said nothing the whole time I was in the class and then we came home and she was now in awe. She was in awe because her friends in awe, she fell under the trap that she needed others opinions to see her mommy as pretty darn cool. I understand that most kids don’t register parents coolness until they are older, but her reaction taught me about how I love myself period.

I am still that 6yo. I never learned to love myself. I never knew how to toot my own horn for anything from how deep I love to how cool my job might be. Now I am not saying letting your ego get in the way, because when you wait for ego to kick in, the truth is you don’t like yourself enough that the Ego comes in and compensates and makes others uncomfortable making you feel superior.

I am talking about the pride, the pat on the back, the indulgence in the accomplishment.

When was the last time you did those for yourself? I ask because all the love you give, all the space you fill with your love will never feel like much success if you aren’t filling your own pot. And others can adorn you, and wine and dine you… but if you aren’t loving yourself or allowing yourself to be loved by yourself all that loves gets lost somewhere.

So today, on Valentine’s day… I want to remind you that no matter your circumstance and if your house is full of love, or not, none of that matters if you aren’t loving yourself to the fullest. Go love yourself a bit today.

P.S. I also recommend you following a crazy idea or dream you have in your head, because when you listen to your dreams, which come from deep inside your heart and you try to accomplish them; you tell yourself I see you, I hear you and I love you and your crazy ideas. Let’s go do this.